Last week, Joel and Eleanor were both diagnosed with autism. Although we've both suspected this for many years, with this diagnosis we're finally out of limbo and we can start thinking about what it means for us to be autistic.

It turns out we're not just a married couple, but we're also each full-time carers for a person with a complex neurological disorder. We've had to learn how to navigate each other's routines and triggers, and to deescalate when the other person has an autistic meltdown. We have to motivate each other so that we don't end up neglecting our own health, so that we eat regularly and don't waste away, and so that we actually leave the house once in a while. In social situations, because we don't have anyone else to support us, we become like the blind leading the blind, or to put it more nicely, like two foreigners in a new country trying to help each other learn the language and local customs.

Autism adds new dimensions of hardship to our music career. Luckily we don't get anxiety being on stage or barging into a crowded room, but we leave an odd impression on people because we don't always make eye contact and we don't know how to make conversation flow in a natural way, often just saying whatever's on our mind, and never understanding any “hints” that someone might be trying to drop that they want to talk about something else. At worst, we can look obnoxious. It's utterly hopeless for us to try networking normally like everybody else, but if we don't insert ourselves and hope for the best, then we'll never get our name out there.

Autistic people can seem easy to take advantage of. We find it harder to see the “red flags” that someone isn't being straight with us. Bandmates, promoters, venue owners, other performers, etc, often treat us like children whilst relying on us to keep the momentum going in terms of marketing and organising shows, connecting with influential people, and so on. We make opportunities happen for other people, and those same people turn around and try to take control by making us feel stupid and worthless. We've talked to other autistic people in the creative industry and we're not the only ones who've experienced this.

People who aren't autistic often think that professionalism means the way that you carry yourself in front of others. We can't measure ourselves to that because we're autistic and the rules of social conduct will always be mysterious to us. So for us, professionalism can only mean one thing: actually making things happen. That's Joel X Eleanor - always working on making our dreams a reality.